June 2009
13 posts
“Executives of three of the nation’s largest health insurers told federal...”
– [via L.A. Times]
The Clash: “Somebody Got Murdered”
...
“Spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle and movie star/seeker Jim Carrey headlined the more-than-three-hour session at an auditorium on the Fox lot in Century City. Along with singer Melissa Etheridge and several other speakers, they urged their colleagues in film, television, music and other media to transcend the tawdry and mundane with higher-minded fair.”
(via L.A. Times)
I’m...
I am not an animal, I am a human being
Him: Hey, didn't you go on a blind date with some disfigured guy at that restaurant?
Me: Yeah, the Elephant Man.*
H: Who set you up on that date?
M: A friend of my Mom's.
H: Jesus. "You know who would be perfect for this freak? Lauren!"
M: Well, maybe it's because I am so nice. You know, she knew that I would look past the elephantiasis and into his soul.
H: Uh, you're nice...but not _that_ nice.
*This is how he described himself.
Tasty drinks
jakec:
I dreamt last night that my friend had brewed his own whiskey that tasted kinda like cherries, but with the whiskey flavor as well. It was delicious. I have to know: Is this a real thing?
Funny you should ask. Just read this today:
“Jim Beam launches cherry-flavored whiskey —
Red Stag bourbon is aimed at women and younger drinkers who don’t typically drink whiskey....
Watchpaulscheer:
Eminem and Bruno at MTV Movie Awards…So great.
1st Triumph then this, Eminem can’t catch a break.
The only way this could have been improved is if he’d made a second landing onto Kanye’s chin.
May 2009
34 posts
The Stranglers: “Golden Brown”
...
Thanks, socialised healthcare.
indefensible:
I went to the doctor about this problem I’m having with my neck/back/shoulders. I have to get a spinal CT Scan, a shoulder ultrasound, and shoulder x-rays done. He also prescribed some sweet painkillers that I am not sharing.
My total out-of-pocket for this, including the doctor, and the painkillers – $38.
Oh yeah? Well, my country will give me health care for free. All I have...
“From Tom Waits to Pete Yorn: Scarlett Johansson readies new album”
– via L.A. Times
I know what you’re thinking: “A void in my life is about to be filled.”
Don't all couples joke about domestic violence?
Me: That stupid washing machine. There's no indication where you're supposed to set the dial to start the cycle. You have to stand there waiting like an idiot to see if you guessed correctly. So, I punched it, and it started.
Him: It's just like a woman. Got to punch it to get it to work.
Note to self: not everyone worries about their...
“Lorne Michaels said that now that the ‘SNL’ season is over, his team will start looking at new people and new writers in the coming weeks.
When the show returns in September, ‘there will be something interesting to do’ with political specials and ‘Weekend Updates’ given that the elections are done, he said when quizzed about the next step for the...
Thanks For the Concern
Woman: Are you okay?
Me: Oh, well, it's all relative. I had to go get my potassium checked, and...
Woman: No, I mean...are you still able to watch our house?
“Propel Propel Propel your craft
Gently down liquid solution.
Ecstatically,...”
– “Propel Propel Propel Your Craft” from A Place of Our Own by…Mister Fred Rogers.
This is real.
fish in a barrel
Sometimes I like to search the general Twitter timeline for people posting about L.A.
Mostly it’s people announcing they’re here, yo, or that they’re hangin’ at the Standard rooftop comparing Affliction hats. But occasionally there are gems like this one:
“going to chinatown, downtown los angeles— is that politically incorrect— asia-town? #tcot”
“When Democrats retook the Senate and House in 2006, liberals rejoiced. Little noticed at the time was this intriguing fact: Democrats won their new majorities thanks in part to an infusion of new Democratic voices from the West and rural America.
Now, those new voices are joining with Republicans to create some unanticipated consequences.
Exhibit A is today’s House vote on credit...
Watchcheesus christ.
“More Abortions in a Recession”
– http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/05/18/more-abortions-in-a-recession/?hp
I needed some good news today.
humans are remarkably disappointing.
“Maybe it is best to just date orphans. They are both more exotic and lower...”
– My best friend, after telling her about this weekend’s visit with the in-laws, during which I contemplated throwing myself in front of traffic no less than 15 times.
with apologies to Ohio; I am sure you are lovely.*
Yesterday my in-laws (or whatever it is you call the long-term boyfriend’s parents) were in town. We walked them through Olvera Street, which is just like Tijuana without the drug violence and donkey shows. Looking at the line of hutches that sell tourists Mexican-themed items that are made in China, my mom-in-law asked an innocent question aloud: “Are these only here on the...
headlines that made me say WTF this morning:
“Poll finds 51% identify as ‘pro-life’”
“ABC renews ‘Scrubs’”
thinking about Dan Brown's obscenely undeserved...
“I think Dan Brown is a terribly bad writer, but he has cliffhangers after every chapter which makes you continue reading,” Skarsgard told Swedish broadcaster SVT. “It’s like eating peanuts at a bar. You don’t like them, but you keep on eating them anyway,” he said.
(via)
Hey! Somebody put shit in my sandwich! But it looks like a sandwich, and I am kind...
“The Prom is no place for misogyny.”
– “Hos” Not Allowed at Arcadia High Prom
Free Lipitor, Viagra, other drugs for jobless →
We heard you are out of work, and we’re concerned about your penis. Oh, you can’t afford your anti-rejection meds that you need to take for the rest of your life to keep your new kidney, and Medicare won’t cover the cost after 36 months? Too bad, sucker.
From The State’s album Comedy for Gracious...
“The Medicare hospital insurance trust fund may be depleted by 2017 and Social...”
– http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/13/us/politics/13health.html?_r=1&hp
sleep is for jerks.
I have a very serious NyQuil problem. I’d better fucking get on “Intervention” for this.
Cheney backs Limbaugh over Powell on GOP future →
I plan on rereading this every time I start to feel hopeful about something.
WatchThere are many things I can’t wrap my head around: The existence of “Two and a Half Men”, that people watch dance competitions, that people willingly eat at Arby’s… But hearing feigned outrage at the President’s usage of spicy mustard? Even I can’t believe people are that stupid. Thanks, Fox News!
judging you
Can we all just agree that some of the stuff that makes it to Favrd is eye-rollingly-cornball-bad? It’s not like the things I release from my asbestos-filled Birdhouse are gems, but some of those one-liners are so stupid that I consider following Robin Williams for a palate cleanser.
April 2009
1 post
March 2009
2 posts
no matter how hard you try, you cannot escape...
The other night, our building had an HOA meeting. At this meeting, a woman exclaimed that she had never seen so many rats in her life as she has around our building. It’s funny that a person would move to a metropolitan area filled with garbage-strewn alleys and rodent-attracting restaurants and then act shocked that rats would appear near her BMW in the parking garage. These are the same...
things I wonder about at 3 AM
My life is littered with barely started projects. Will this be one of them? Yesssssss!